![]() is for Trust The idea for 26 Days to Practice Peace came to me months ago as a list of 26 words flew through my fingertips onto a page in my notebook. I thought what a great idea to create something for people to work their way through for 26 days in the hopes that at the end there would be a subtle shift in their life from one place, maybe isolation, maybe stagnation, maybe scattered feelings to a place of comfort, focus, and confidence. I made the list of 26 words in a matter of moments not really thinking about them at all. Then the list sat and sat and sat for a few months until now. I have never changed one of the words corresponding to its letter. I think the word that popped for me is a word that I myself need to spend a day with and spend some time getting to know and understand why it came to me on the list. Trust is very much one of those words that needs some serious work on my part. Lately I have given up the need to feel in control of my life and the direction it is taking. I tell myself that I trust the Universe to point me in the right direction to learn all that I need to learn. I just need to consistently show up each day dedicated to being the best version of myself, take what life offers, learn the lessons presented, and keep the faith so to speak. Trusting the Universe is a piece of cake for me; trusting my fellow man is where I am struggling. Like everyone I’m sure, I’ve been let down by the people I know, the people I love, the people I trust. My problem is that after a few let downs I have chosen to withdraw and stop investing myself in trusting others. When people say they will do something for me my typical reply is “No thank you, that’s not necessary.” Why do I do that? Because over the years people I loved and depended on to deliver on their promises did not. It occurred to me that it was safer to stop asking for things—like help—because if I never asked I could never feel let down and disappointed by others. A small example of this is a story I tell to demonstrate that “let down” feeling. It happened about 20 years ago around Valentine’s Day. I was asked by my significant other (at the time) what I wanted for Valentine’s Day. I said that if he really wanted to do anything at all for me it would be to take the dogs to get groomed. Not very romantic on my part, but it was a luxury I wanted to give my dogs and myself because this way I would have to bathe them. I reiterated how desperately I wanted this; I said I didn’t want any Victoria’s Secret (the typical gift) and if he really wanted to be my hero he would take the dogs to the groomers for me. When I got home from work on February 14th I found two lovely pink boxes from Victoria’s Secret on my bed. These types of events are what I started to notice was a pattern of me asking for A and getting B in return. So I ultimately have stopped asking because I don’t trust people anymore. This is a dangerous place to live—not trusting others. My dog/under garment example is not a huge betrayal or let down in the grand scheme of things, but my loss of trust in others is a result of a series of these tiny events along with much larger and more painful series of abuses both emotional and physical, that have made me perhaps a little too stubborn and resistant to seek help or kindnesses offered by others. I have decided to use this day to continue to trust that the lessons I need to learn will present themselves to me in ways that I can understand and resolve with little pain. I will work on learning to take people at their word and more importantly to not feel as though I am somehow to blame if they don’t follow through, and to not determine I wasn’t worthy of their follow through if they are unable to deliver, and to stop assuming that just because I may ask for a certain type of help in the form of A that perhaps B can’t be useful too. It is okay to ask for help and to trust the people in your life, but if other people don’t behave in ways that we perhaps expect them too, well duh…that’s not really realistic in the first place is it? The only person I can control is me; I need to re-enter the world of trusting my fellow man and letting go of my expectations. I will enter my day with a sense of trust that things will go exactly as they should, and if someone offers something I will trust that they mean it and hold only good intentions for me.
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![]() is for Open Be open. Be open to trying new things. That sentence makes me chuckle inside because I don’t think I would consider myself particularly adventurous and open to new things anymore, so my suggesting to you that you should be open to new experiences seems a bit ridiculous. But I know it’s correct; I tell it to you because I need to tell it to me. For me if my regular lunch table is already full and I have to sit somewhere else with new people I can get a little twitchy and off my game. I guess I like routine maybe a little too much. I don’t go out. I don’t dress up anymore. I don’t travel much. So maybe I’m in a rut. I have a million excuses for why I don’t do any of these things anymore, but no more excuses. For one day I can be open.
It has been a long time since I’ve opened myself up to others because being closed off feels safer and more comfortable. It’s spring so I should be opening the doors and windows inside of me and outside of me and let the fresh new breezes blow through. And if you’re listening Breeze, feel free to take all the dog hair and dust with you, thanks. Grab a pencil and paper and start to make a list of phrases that start with, “I will be open to…” and just keep going until you stop. I was amazed at some of the things that came through me onto my list, and I feel better now because I am also open to learning new things about myself. Good Luck!! ![]() is for Faith Faith can be difficult; I should say faith is difficult for me. To trust, rely, and believe with unwavering conviction challenges me—but not if I'm trying for just a single day. If for just one day I focus on trusting the day to take me where it goes safely, then I can smile through the day. My goal will be to link a bunch of these single days together and create a confident, trusting life filled with trustworthy friends, loyal confidants, and faith in the beauty and madness of it all. For one day focus on faith. Believe in yourself first and foremost before you put your faith in another. Those empty spaces inside you that don’t contain faith in yourself that you can handle it, can do it, can accomplish it are the exact spaces that get taken over by others to be used as they please. These people may be wonderfully kind and full of good intentions wanting to help you in your hour of need, but then again why not believe in your own ability first, and then call upon others to assist you. Unfortunately for me the people that took over those empty spaces in my life were not especially kind with good intentions. The opposite has been my experience more often than not, and my faith has been shaken, but I refuse to give up. I see faith, confidence, and trust working for others so the way I see it my day has to be coming! For some, like me, it is difficult to ask for help because it is difficult to trust. Other times it is difficult to ask for help because you don’t know what to ask for. Having faith in yourself first leads you to the right questions to ask, the specific needs you have for seeking help. Faith that you can handle what comes no matter what—be it a job loss, a death in the family, a broken bone, a car accident, a broken heart, an addiction, an assault, whatever life throws at you, believe first that you can handle it, then sort out those pieces of help you will need. Have faith that you will always be able to handle what comes your way today. Don’t give your crisis away to someone else to handle for you. If you do you have just given away life’s greatest opportunity to learn exactly how strong you really are. You can earn yourself another new badge of supreme courage if you like to imagine yourself in a decorated coat of armor--or maybe that's just me. Have faith that you are never alone, never isolated, never not capable—you are able to own your crisis or problem, and once you believe that you're able to learn from it is the moment you know exactly how to seek help and guidance without giving away your opportunity to learn. I always like to say, "Feeling alone is a human experience; being alone is a spiritual impossibility." Today try saying this, “I have faith in ME today. If it rains let it pour; this I can handle.” ![]() A Is for Accept Acceptance does not imply approval or even a slight happiness that IT IS. It just IS. For today as each thing unfolds accept that it is unfolding without judgment—good or bad, ugly or pretty, thick or thin, hot or cold, disaster or miracle, on and on. Whatever happens this one day—don’t give it a label. The dog craps on the carpet? It is simply a pile of poo on the floor that needs cleaning. Clean, and move on. It happened. You can’t un-poop it. Accepting that it happened does not imply you approve of your dog doing this, or that you are happy this happened, it has simply happened. Breathe through it. The car won’t start? Breathe through it. Make a list: who do you need to call? The appointment you will miss? Someone to come give your battery a jump? A taxi service? Breathe. Accept that at this instant the car isn’t going to start, don’t judge this as the worst event ever. You will never really know. A giant semi full of battery acid could be heading for a tragic accident involving your car at this very moment had the car started—maybe not. You just don’t know maybe your stupid not working car just saved your life. Flat tire? Overslept? Child home sick from school? Toilet over flow? Nothing lasts forever. No event will consume the rest of your living days. For this 24 hour period if IT comes accept IT. Try saying this, “Today I will accept this event as it is. If it needs a plan to resolve it I will make that plan or find someone to help me make the plan. This is my day.” |
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